Hole in the Sky

When I began my daily blog commitment on March 1, it was with the intention of writing about some of my old paintings, with the hope it would inspire some of the bones of what will eventually become "Mimi's Art Book," as promised last fall on page 122 of my other book,  "The 54 and then some."

So far, it has not.

I thought maybe folks would enjoy hearing about the backstories of the paintings.

So far, there has been next to no response or reaction.

Which leads me to today. March 15. Approximately halfway through the month, and the blog project, and I'm wondering if I should abandon the daily blog posts, or simply change what I write about.

I had so many wonderful ideas of what I wanted to share in "Mimi's Art Book" back in the fall.  And I thought the darker, quieter days of January and February would allow the perfect time to write, so that by now, mid-March, I would be in editing mode of the book, rather than barely not even begun.

I did not at that time anticipate that my beloved furry companion of 11-1/2 years, my Rosie, would experience a rapid decline and die on January 8.  It threw me for a loop (note to self: look up the origin of that phrase - an odd one.). Then there were a couple of Covid deaths, former work colleagues, and another close colleague of many years who moved away.  Snowball effect.  I was surprised with the depth of loss and grief I felt, and continue to feel.  I know I'm not alone.  It's been a challenging couple of years for oh so many.  The January losses brought on some of the classic symptoms of situational depression, none of which have been conducive to writing and creating well. 

There's lethargy.  Wanting only to sleep and nap, but experiencing poor quality sleep, and super strange dreams when I do. And its first cousin, a general loss of interest and ability to focus.  Yup.  Had those.  I got work done in little bursts, but my ability to follow through with consistency, not so good.  One quick walk through my home right now shows far too many started and not completed projects.

Then there's eating unhealthy foods, because while on one hand I know cognitively that food does not equal love, there is something comforting for me in baking cookies, muffins, pancakes, cakes, and then eating them.  Of course I have also been aware for years that I often use baking and eating as a procrastination tool when I'm not quite sure what to do next. 

And dare I also finally admit that my filter for social niceness, and my tolerance for small (and large) annoyances, were pretty much all but gone in late January and most of February?  Hopefully you didn't run into that one with me, and if you did, please accept my apology.

Self-employment may look like its all fun and games because I get to self-direct my days, but it isn't nearly so fun when the boss (me) is feeling grumpy, lethargic, and unfocused.

So, there.  That's the truth for today about this #artistsreallife.  Maybe a little too much truth.

Though please, PLEASE no need for condolences or words of sympathy.  I'm gradually emerging from it.  Feeling better as the days go by.  Grateful for oh so much in my life as I look at the hardships faced by others right now.  My life is full of blessings.

My conundrum is where to take the writing next. My counsel to myself is to first pray about it, second to spend some quiet time listening, and then third, go where I am led.

And that, and only that, always overcomes the procrastination and sets me right again.  The trick for me is to remember to go there, in that order, more quickly.

Or as Chandler says to Joey in a classic Friends episode, "Get there faster!"

Next question. What painting to use to represent today's blog.  I have chosen an old one, called "Hole in the Sky." Blue sky breaking through the clouds after a heavy storm rolled through, over the battlefield in Gettysburg, PA, painted from a photograph about 25 years ago.   

We need the storms of life.  It can't always be blue skies.  We learn more through the storms.  About ourselves.  About life.  And certainly about love.  The storms - they make the blue sky days all that much more glorious.

Sending my love to each and every one of you who reads this, with gratitude for your love and support and words of encouragement, always.